


Dreams - Yours, Mine, Ours

by moonlilac



Category: Produce 101 (TV), VICTON (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Family, Hurt/Comfort, summary makes this seem a lot angstier than it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21943267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlilac/pseuds/moonlilac
Summary: Seungwoo starts to cry. At first, it's only a few tears slipping down his cheeks that he hurriedly wipes away, before his body is hit with sobs that come so suddenly that even he is flustered.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 111





	Dreams - Yours, Mine, Ours

Seungwoo's steps are heavy as he approaches the black van, the buzz of the night's excitement still ringing in his ears. In fact, if he closes his eyes, he can still feel Dongpyo's arms around his waist, see Yohan's sparkling eyes, hear Seungyoun's slightly intoxicated voice telling him how he can't believe they made it.

Instead, he silently gets into the middle row of the van. His manager checks up on him periodically through the front view mirror with worried eyes, but otherwise leaves him alone. Seungwoo is grateful, though he wishes he had been picked up in a smaller car instead of the group van used for the 7 of them. It feels empty and too quiet. 

Seungwoo hasn't been in this kind of quiet in more than half a year. Of course there have been down times during the show, but those were usually filled with heavy breaths after practice or busy thoughts inside his mind. Now, Seungwoo lets himself blank out completely - for the first time in months, he doesn't have to worry about the next stage, the next elimination. 

He's jerked out of his thoughts - or lack of thoughts - when he hears something being jostled around in a cup holder as the van comes to a stop at a red light. Curious, he reaches into it and fishes the object out. 

It's a chapstick. 

More specifically, it's Subin's chapstick, one that the kid had secretly put into the shopping basket when Seungwoo wasn't looking during one of their supermarket runs. When Seungwoo discovered it at the checkout line, he had ruffled Subin's hair and paid for it with a fond roll of his eyes. 

Now, holding this completely plain and insignificant chapstick in his hand, Seungwoo starts to cry. At first, it's only a few tears slipping down his cheeks that he hurriedly wipes away, before his body is hit with sobs that come so suddenly that even he is flustered. 

He had cried during the finale, a blur of a few hours, but that had been for himself, for his years of perseverance and hard work, for Jinhyuk and Yuvin who wanted this more than anyone, for the others with dreams put on hold - but not broken. Now, he's crying for Victon - for their brotherhood, their hardships, their shared dream they promised to achieve together.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he chokes out when he notices that the van has come to a complete stop. 

When his vision clears up a bit, he sees that they have already arrived in front of the dorm and his manager is offering him a tissue with concerned but understanding eyes.

"Chin up, kid," he says, and Seungwoo wonders if his ears are playing tricks on him or if Yongjoo's voice sounds a bit hoarse. 

Seungwoo pauses for a second, steadying his breathing. "Thanks, hyung." 

He's careful as he enters the dorm. He had called the members first thing after the high of the finale, peeling out of his parents' embrace to borrow a phone. Seungsik had answered barely a ring in, and the kids were beside themselves with excitement, congratulating him left and right until he couldn't make out who was saying what. He hung up with a grateful smile and a promise of coming home soon. It's now past 2AM, the festivities and celebrations of the night dragging on until the younger kids were falling asleep at the table and managers were ushering everyone home. 

The dorm is dark as he expected. However, hushed voices reach his ears and he follows the sound to his shared room with Sejun and Subin. 

When he opens the door ajar, he's surprised that the light is on and that there are way more people inside the small room than just his roommates.

"--when in the world will he ever need a mini fake cactus?" Seungsik's exasperated voice demands. 

"I mean, maybe some day..." It's Hanse's voice that responds. 

"Put it back before he--" Chan meets his eyes through the cracked open door. "Oh, hyung you're back." 

He's got no choice but to push the door open all the way. When he does, he sees the whole gang: Seungsik and Chan hovering near the desk, Byungchan and Sejun flipping through a messy closet, Hanse and Subin curled up on his bed. 

A chorus of "hyung"s greet him, and he feels warmth at the familiarity. 

"What are you guys still doing up?" He asks fondly, picking up a fallen shirt and tossing it over Byungchan's head. He ignores the younger's muffled whine and plops down onto his bed, Hanse and Subin immediately making room for him. 

"We're packing for you," Sejun answers, tripping over the open suitcase lying at his feet.

"Because Yongjoo hyung says you need to leave early tomorrow," Chan adds after a moment's hesitation. _And we don't know when you'll be back_ is left unsaid. 

"Oh," Seungwoo says in a small voice, because he doesn't know what else to say. 

And that's weird, in so many ways. Because he's always had words with them, with brothers closer to him than family, with brothers who he's gone through literal blood, sweat, and tears. 

Some blood, more sweat, and lots of tears. 

Too many tears. 

"Plus, we all know you suck at packing," Hanse quips up behind him, and he laughs. 

That seems to dissipate the tense atmosphere, and he slings an arm around Subin's shoulder as the maknae molds his body to Seungwoo's side. Byungchan and Sejun resume their bickering, while Chan and Seungsik bow their heads together to discuss something. Behind him, Seungwoo can feel Hanse's toes digging into his back. 

"Congratulations again hyung," Subin murmurs, and Seungwoo turns his head to look at him. 

On the show, he's interacted with many kids, kids even younger than Subin. Yet, Subin will always have a special place in his heart. They treat him like he's a literal baby, when in reality he's 20 years old - a full grown adult. Seungwoo can't help it though. Maybe it's because they've been together for so long. When they first met, Subin was just a wide eyed kid, wary and weary after shuffling around a couple of companies. There was a determination there though, a determination that made Seungwoo want to protect him and his dream - that hasn't changed. 

"Thanks Subin," he says softly, ruffling the kid's hair before snaking an arm around him to pull him closer. 

"Hyung," a voice calls out and Seungwoo looks up to see Seungsik standing above him.

Seungsik's opening line seems to catch everyone's attention, with everyone inching closer and Byungchan eventually also sprawling onto the bed, much to Hanse's displeasure ("You're too BIG, get off of me!"). Somehow, it's become Seungwoo and the maknaes on the bed, and Seungsik, Chan, and Sejun looking on from the side.

Seungwoo's glad that the kids at least seem to listen so well to Seungsik. That'll ease a little of his worries for the next few years. 

"Hyung," Seungsik says again, and it takes Seungwoo a few seconds to realize that he's holding something up for Seungwoo to take. 

"For me?" He asks in surprise, taking the object as he looks at the members' expectant faces. 

"No, for me," Hanse snorts, and Seungwoo feels more than sees Byungchan attack his same aged friend ("Ow, ow, that's my rib cage, you idiot!). 

It's a wooden picture frame, Seungwoo realizes as he accepts the gift from Seungsik. When he turns it over, he sees a full group picture and his mouth goes dry. He remembers taking it, of course. It was right after their first fanmeeting, way back in November last year. They were sweaty and hungry and exhausted, but so excited. 

And happy. 

Seungwoo remembers how _happy_ he was, his arms slung sloppily over Sejun's and Chan's shoulders, the fans' cheers still ringing in his ears despite the now empty stadium. They stunk with sweat and their makeup was melting off their faces, but by god, Seungwoo couldn't remember the last time he felt so happy. 

"To put right beside your bed. In case you forget what we look like," Sejun jokes, and he doesn't mean to, but it ends up coming out a little bitter. 

Seungwoo feels a lump in his throat, Subin looks like he's about to cry, and Sejun immediately looks like he regrets his words. 

"You dumbass, it's not like he's leaving forever," Chan quickly says, yet that also seems to come out questionable, unsure. 

"Of course not," Seungwoo says fiercely. "I'm not even _leaving_ leaving."

That seems to ease the tension, Seungsik's shoulders dropping a little and Subin visibly relaxing in his arms. 

Seungwoo doesn't know how he feels...doesn't know how he's supposed to feel. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, because it's all he can do right now.

Sejun's head shoots up. "Why are you apologizing?" 

"I don't know. For..." 

For what? For leaving? For finding success first? For finding success without you? For achieving our dream without you? 

"...for everything," he finishes. 

Hanse pokes him in the back with a toe. "You're making it sound like you're abandoning us." 

"I'm not!" Seungwoo frantically exclaims. "I'm not. It's just...I was the leader--"

"And you still are," Seungsik cuts in sharply, making Seungwoo look up. 

Bless Kang Seungsik. Seungwoo doesn't know how he would have survived these past few years taking care of the kids without him. 

"Yeah hyung, you're not getting rid of us that easily," Sejun announces, also jumping onto the bed, now to the whines of Byungchan, Hanse, and Subin. 

"Good, I'd never want to get rid of you guys anyway," Seungwoo says, smiling. 

Chan and Seungsik move closer, settling down on the floor next to the bed so that they're all nested together like a cozy family - just the way Seungwoo likes it. 

"Hey hyung?" Subin murmurs against his shoulder, half asleep already. 

Seungwoo lowers his shoulder a little to make it more comfortable for the boy. "Hmm?" 

"Don't be afraid to share your worries with them," Subin says, snuggling closer. 

Seungwoo smiles. "Okay." 

"Subin's right," Seungsik says, resting a hand on Seungwoo's knee. "Don't bottle everything inside. That's not good for your health. And if you don't want to burden the other members, you can always talk to me, to us. Although I'm not sure how much help we would be able to--"

Seungwoo stops him with a hand on his shoulder. "You guys are always of help to me, you know that." 

Seungsik offers him a smile that he returns. 

"You think you can handle the kids?" Seungwoo questions, even though he doesn't need an answer. He wouldn't trust anyone else with them.

"I can take care of myself," Hanse protests, even as he's almost thrown off the bed during what looks like an intense wrestling match with Byungchan. 

"I've done okay these past few months, haven't I?" Seungsik responds, reaching over Seungwoo to push Sejun, who somehow joined in on Hanse and Byungchan's foolery, back onto the bed.

"Thank you," Seungwoo says softly, not meaning just for these months, but for the previous years and upcoming years as well. 

Seungsik's reassuring smile tells him he understands. 

"We'll be good for Seungsik hyung," Subin tells him.

"I know you will."

His eyes have misted over, and when he looks away, he catches Seungsik blinking rapidly.

Seungsik clears his throat. "We went through your desk and packed some stuff we thought you'd need." 

"And some shirts!" Byungchan quips up. 

"And some pants!" Sejun adds. 

"What about his lucky underwear?" Hanse snorts sarcastically, but shuts up when Sejun and Byungchan both whack him (gently) on the head. 

"And your knee brace, just in case it starts hurting again," Seungsik says, now rifling through the mountain of things in the suitcase. "Don't forget to eat your medicine, even if there's no pain. You don't want it acting up again in the middle of your busy promotions. And we also stuffed some pain patches. Oh and also your candles, I know how much you love--"

Seungwoo stops him. "I'm not disappearing."

There's a tremble in his voice, but no one points it out. 

"You'll come back to visit?" Chan asks quietly, and it's the fact that _Chan_ asks that nearly breaks Seungwoo again. Chan, who is always talking and laughing, singing and dancing. Chan, who is dependable and trustworthy, always helping him with the kids. Chan, who cries at the mention of his family. Chan, who is about to cry right now. 

After all, they _are_ family. 

"Whenever I can," Seungwoo tells them. "I promise." 

"Don't make promises you can't keep hyung," Chan says, so quietly that Seungwoo nearly misses it, and his heart hurts.

"I promise," Seungwoo repeats, firmly. 

"We're holding you to that," Hanse says after a beat, half joking, but the hope and anticipation shine through his eyes. 

"It's stuffy in here," Byungchan declares, climbing over Sejun's body to get off the bed before sauntering out into the living room. 

Sejun follows close behind, screaming bloody murder about his poor back. Hanse reluctantly gets off the bed as well, immediately latching onto Chan, who pulls him out of the room with practiced ease. Seungsik pauses near the doorway to look back at Seungwoo and only leaves when Seungwoo gives him a smile and a nod. 

"You still awake?" Seungwoo whispers to Subin, his fingers naturally going up to tangle into the maknae's soft hair. 

Subin nods, stretching slightly before bouncing off the bed. He stretches a hand toward Seungwoo and Seungwoo grabs it without a second thought. 

By the time the two of them make it out of the room, the other members have made themselves comfortable on the floor. It makes Seungwoo smile because the plush couches have been ignored, the kids instead opting to lounge on the floor in a circle to be closer together. 

They have naturally left two spots for Seungwoo and Subin. As Seungwoo sits down, pulling Subin down next to him, he sees the TV playing a rerun of the Produce X finale. He winces slightly, but sees that everyone else seems to be invested in watching. 

"I'll introduce you to them," Byungchan tells Sejun, his head rested on the other's lap. 

"Yeah?" Sejun murmurs, his eyes glued to the TV, and Seungwoo can tell by his wistful look how much he misses the stage. 

"You know, I trained with Seungyoun," Chan says as the camera pans to said man. 

Seungsik hums, also watching. The camera moves on to Wooseok. "How have Sooil and Dongyeol been doing lately?" 

Hanse and Chan share a glance at the mention of their Up10tion best friends. 

Hanse shrugs. "Probably about the same as us." 

They turn quiet after that. 

Seungwoo feels a pull on his shirt and looks down to see Subin watching him. "Hyung, you'll invite us to your new dorm right? And introduce them to us?" 

Everyone turns to look at him. He smiles reassuringly. "Of course I will." 

The kids seem satisfied with that answer and go back to their hushed conversations. Seungwoo listens in half-mindlessly, his fingers combing through Subin's hair rhythmically. 

He blinks out of his trance when Seungsik gets up. 

"Byungchan fell asleep. I'm going to get some blankets and pillows," Seungsik answers his unasked question. 

"I'll help," Chan says. "We can all sleep in the living room tonight. That way no one will oversleep to send hyung off." 

Seungwoo's hand pauses in Subin's hair. 

Sejun catches his eye. "Just like old times." 

"Just like old times," he repeats, returning the smile Sejun offers. 

When Seungsik and Chan return, they sprawl themselves as best they can. It's funny because they have perfectly comfortable beds and couches, and they decide to squish themselves all on the hardwood floor. 

Yet, as Seungwoo feels someone elbow his head and someone else kick his leg, he can't bring himself to mind. 

"Hey Hanse," Seungwoo calls. 

There's a grunt somewhere a few bodies away. 

"Put the mini fake cactus in the suitcase tomorrow." 

A pause. 

"Okay, I will hyung."

Seungwoo can hear the smile in the words. 

"Hey, hyung?" Seungsik's whisper pierces through the dark.

"Yeah?" 

Byungchan's soft snores and the others' quiet rustling help make the night feel less lonely. 

"Don't be a stranger, yeah?" There's a warmth to Seungsik's words that fills Seungwoo's heart, and he reaches both hands out in the dark to grab at random hands. 

"I won't," he whispers back firmly, closing his eyes with a grateful heart.

They'll be okay. They'll all be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hanse's a little shit but we love him for it.
> 
> I had this written months ago but couldn't bring myself to revisit it until recently. I miss Seungwoo. Victon's Seungwoo, X1's Seungwoo - just Han Seungwoo in general. Happy birthday to our forever captain.


End file.
